For many, one gift (or curse, depending on one’s perspective) of a stroke is the sudden necessity of having to think about every movement of a limb or a digit or even a thought process- such as where my sentence began and how I intend to finish it. I realized this one day when I forgot that I had a glass in my hand and that it was actually on its way to my mouth before I found myself standing in a pile of shards and water. In that moment, I understood the term, “mindfulness.”
Mindfulness is a popular term used by those who practice Zen and Buddhist meditation. It is the act of being aware of exactly where you are and what you are doing in the moment. There are entire books written on mindfulness so please pardon my short definition. I have entire days when I am forced to practice this very inefficient way of being. It can be very unnerving for the impatient practitioner or loved one.
It’s an interesting path though. One minute I don’t think about walking down the street. The next minute- I am having to focus hard on the internal dialogue coaching me to pick up my heel which involves bending my knee slightly- wait, how do I do that, oh let’s see, ok- bend the leg, pick up the heel and maybe even the front of the foot too- then push forward. Put the foot down and move my weight onto that leg. The other one doesn’t seem to require so much attention and moves quickly forward to take the weight that is forcing this leg to bend a bit too much. Muttering to oneself is common among stroke folks because we are always finding ways to get ourselves to complete a task or a thought. It’s mindfulness without monasticism.
If I get too far ahead of myself, I will fall. Isn’t that a great metaphor! Sometimes I just get lost- in a thought or in a grocery store- same thing. Some days it feels kind of tragic. Most days, it’s just funny to me. When I’m mind-LESS, I put the phone in the freezer. When I’m mind-FUL, I set it on the table and remember where I set it down even hours later. When I’m mind-LESS, I forget that my son is talking to me. When I’m mind-FUL, I hear him, see his shiny, blue eyes, notice his mud-stained alabaster skin, ruffled blond hair and take delight in the cackle of his throaty laugh.
When I’m mindless, I miss out on life. When I’m mindful, life is all there is- in that moment. When I’m mindless, I forget to love. When I’m mindful, love is all there is.
